How to Handle Someone Who Uses Your Past Against You

New Post at Good Men Project

When you are a child, you don’t learn how to walk without falling down. No one keeps bringing it up or holds it against you. It’s no secret that we all make mistakes and, maybe we want to forget them or we have learned from and grown from it.

Unfortunately, it’s not the same with the mistakes you make as an adult and no matter how different we feel inside and out, someone may choose to keep reminding us of the things we did when we were possibly selfishly unaware or simply not as educated, emotionally and physically.

Nothing pops the air in your balloon like someone forcing you to defend your past choices when you feel like you have successfully made better choices.

It makes you feel like you can’t escape the former you and all your hard work has been in vain.

Why Do People Do This?

It really depends on your relationship with the person.

If it someone you trust and who you share a fairly good relationship with, they may have a misguided belief that reminding you of your past mistakes is making you a better person. Or, they may not be able to accept that you are changing, so they continue to remind you of your past.

You also have to remember that people don’t see everything you are doing so they go on the information they have which may be an older version of yourself. And, people often judge you in the areas they want to fix themselves. When they are bringing up your past mistakes, they are often talking to themselves about the areas of their lives they think they need to improve but haven’t made progress.

If they are not someone you trust, their motives could be to embarrass or control you. Someone who doesn’t want to see you become a better person will keep reminding you of your mistakes so they can keep you feeling shame which will
undermine your progress.

How Do You Stop Them from Bringing Up Your Past?

The short answer is: You Don’t.

Read More: https://goodmenproject.com/…/how-to-handle-someone-who-use…/

 

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