This year has been mostly about me and how I deal with the things that are going on around me. I dissected a lot of dysfunctional coping mechanisms. I paid attention to ways that I distract myself. I looked at the ways I deprive myself. And, then I tried to uncover the reasons I tell myself I don’t deserve to be happy.
I say if you are arguing with someone who won’t listen, do the math. Well, when I did the math, I had my focus on mistakes which encompass, maybe 5% of my life. Meanwhile, I was ignoring 95% of the good I have done in my life, other people’s lives, in business and just in general. And, I was using that 5% to beat myself up and as an excuse to deprive myself of happiness. When I really think about it, I am a good person with good intentions the majority of the time.
And, this year, I used every person in my presence as a mirror. I understood that like attracts like. So, I said, “why is this person around me? What can I learn about myself?”
What did I find? Many of them were depriving themselves. Many of them were unhappy with their own decisions. Many of them were settling. Many of them were hard on themselves. And, as I was motivating them, being compassionate and trying to lavish them with kind words and loving prayers. It hit me, oh, this is what I need to do to myself.
So, this year, all roads led back to me. And, I got to see all the ways that I limit myself using people, excuses and block my own blessings. I cleared out some, but the awareness of them is enough. I’m not scared of them and when they pop up, I see it as an invitation to get to know myself.
“Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That’s its balance.”